memaw

MEMAW,




When I get lost I close my eyes and even though I can't see your face, I feel you with me everyday. I



feel you shining down on me. I'll always see your face. The corner of your smile, and all the little things



you did for so many in this world. None of that will face away, you are much more than just a memory. I



can't hold your hand or look into your eyes and when i talk to you iit just echoes in my mind. I found



some peace today, knowing I'm coming to visit your grave. I grit my teeth and swallow all my pains and



selfish pride I use to hide behind. Flames of pain stained my eyes. Time burns my soul all shades of



grey. Shifting through the smoke and lies with these metal prison bars blocking my mind. I miss you so



much, but I lie and say I'm fine. I stay complacent to my feeling nad let others pile theirs on me. I'm



tired. Please keep watching over me, I don't feel I can go on much longer. I'm breaking down, I hate



everything in this world without you here. I wish you could see all Brenden's dreams come true. I just



want you back! I want you back nad healthy and I can't have that. He could have taken me. I have no



good inside of me. Your heart and soul was GOLD. I just want to scream - Let me out of my head.......



AND still the world just keep on going. It has no way of knowing that you are gone.



I love you dearly and miss you tons,



Brandy Dawn

My heart is still open now.

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought of you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silenc, I often speak your name.
Now all I'm left with memories, and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake with which I will never part.
God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.
-B

old poetry about lost love

IM ALREADY TOO FAR GONE

The day our eyes met my hands began to tremble.

I could tell you weren't like any other;
looking into who I was not just looking at me.
That first day you kissed me my every breath was taken away.
I should have pulled away, I'm Already Too Far Gone.
Now your Charisma has me giggling, and your touch has me shivering.
Your smile melts my soul.
To see that I am responsible for that happiness scares me in way I couldn't ever imagine.
I'm too damaged to give you what you need.
I'm Already To Far Gone. What am I supposed to do now?
Your smile is poison to my heart.
I am head over heals in love with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did I let this happen?
I feel I just can't let you get away, but I'm Already Too Far Gone.
I will die a little
if you leave, everyone ALWAYS leaves me.
So, I'll make it my choice to commit a subtle suicide
of my heart and my love for you,
I will in my own way love you forever.
I will still think of you everyday.
The memory of your lips pressed to mine,
as you stare into me with your luminous blue eyes.
The warmth of your body against mine while embraced in your gentle touch.
I'll miss your heart the most.
I felt your love, I think you did love me.
Why do I have to go,
I'm Already Too Far Gone
Everyone always leaves me!
My heart is too broken to give you the love you deserve.
I'm sorry my love, I'm Already Too Far Gone. se

          Brandy

Look in the mirror

Lately all that I hear about is how pissed off everyone is about this 'BP oil spill'.  Yes BP did not follow proper procedures in maintaining its under water pipelines and rigs.  But, honestly society, look in the damn mirror for once.  Everyone, EVERYONE depends on oil.  So we are the root of this problem.  AND are causing even more of an issue by 'boycotting BP stations'.  Now I get that you are mad, and this is unbelievable; completely horrid (in my eyes), but boycotting the gas stations will make things worse.  Did you know that 72% of BP gas stations are individually owned and boycotting those only take dinner off some hard working woman or mans table!  Also if BP's profits plummet and they can not afford this clean us, guess who's tax dollars get to take care of it...................that is right yours.  So before placing blame on one company look in the mirror.  Now don't just blame yourself either. Look in the mirror and decide what you are going to do to better this situation, AND I do believe that if each and everyone of us does this, the clean up will be easier, the debt will be paid, the environment will recover, and maybe (just maybe) some people with realize there is more to life that just blaming the government or others for everything that happens in this world.  It all begins with one look in the mirror.
-B-

Goodbye Friend

take this for what its worth: People grow apart, it's a very natural thing. I suggest letting good friendships die peacefully at their own pace. Instead of getting mad and creating hostility, just let it fizzle out. If ...there are no shared hard feelings, try to mend the friendship several years down the road after everyone involved is a different person. In my limited experience, this really helps. Time heals all things.  So here is to you Jolene, I'm done and letting go of our old friendship.  Maybe, just maybe someday, when you are a different person........because I have already changed too much and got hurt too much and am still able to forgive.   The future brings bright and beautiful things, hope in your life you can find room for me in it!

How about

YOU FEED MY FISH ALREADY!

vanity scribblin's

What to scribble about today? 
Day one of not smoking!  Not fun at all, I mean not fun at all!  I'm sure after a while the fun will kick in.  Like; I will be able to breath easier and not get pnuemonia 3 times a year.  I haven't decided just what method to follow to acheive this goal.  So far I am going with cold turkey, and day one is not easy.  I swear I keep smelling the smoldering of ashes being flicked into an ash tray!  Wait a minute, yep I am crazy, why the hell would smoldering ashes smell tempting to me? :0)  Maybe I shall try the patch and take the appropiate steps to quitting.  HMMMMMMM maybe I just don't want to quit!  If I quit I don't get my 5 minutes of silence and freedom!  But if I quit I am able to breath easier, run longer.  Hopefully not live longer........life just isn't a wonderland to me.  Quitting smoking sucks! It is just that plain and simple.
      There is no competition and no comparison, for we are all different and meant to be that way.
I claim my own power, and lovingly create my own reality.........reality sucks!  When we create harmony in our minds and hearts we will find it in our lives.  The inner creates the outer, ALWAYS!  {It is only a thought, a thought can be changed right?}  This is a new day one that I have never lived before.  I stay in the now and enjoy each and every moment......SOMETIMES (like I said reality sucks!).  What if sometimes i see my parents as tiny children who need love.  I have compassion for my parents' childhoods.  I now know that I chose them because they were perfect for what I had to learn.  I forgive them and set them free.  One day I will forgive myself.  As I forgive myself I will begin to leave behind all feelings of not being good enough, then I will be free to love myself.......one day.  For now I'm just going to quit smoking!