My heart is still open now.

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought of you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silenc, I often speak your name.
Now all I'm left with memories, and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake with which I will never part.
God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.
-B

old poetry about lost love

IM ALREADY TOO FAR GONE

The day our eyes met my hands began to tremble.

I could tell you weren't like any other;
looking into who I was not just looking at me.
That first day you kissed me my every breath was taken away.
I should have pulled away, I'm Already Too Far Gone.
Now your Charisma has me giggling, and your touch has me shivering.
Your smile melts my soul.
To see that I am responsible for that happiness scares me in way I couldn't ever imagine.
I'm too damaged to give you what you need.
I'm Already To Far Gone. What am I supposed to do now?
Your smile is poison to my heart.
I am head over heals in love with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did I let this happen?
I feel I just can't let you get away, but I'm Already Too Far Gone.
I will die a little
if you leave, everyone ALWAYS leaves me.
So, I'll make it my choice to commit a subtle suicide
of my heart and my love for you,
I will in my own way love you forever.
I will still think of you everyday.
The memory of your lips pressed to mine,
as you stare into me with your luminous blue eyes.
The warmth of your body against mine while embraced in your gentle touch.
I'll miss your heart the most.
I felt your love, I think you did love me.
Why do I have to go,
I'm Already Too Far Gone
Everyone always leaves me!
My heart is too broken to give you the love you deserve.
I'm sorry my love, I'm Already Too Far Gone. se

          Brandy

Look in the mirror

Lately all that I hear about is how pissed off everyone is about this 'BP oil spill'.  Yes BP did not follow proper procedures in maintaining its under water pipelines and rigs.  But, honestly society, look in the damn mirror for once.  Everyone, EVERYONE depends on oil.  So we are the root of this problem.  AND are causing even more of an issue by 'boycotting BP stations'.  Now I get that you are mad, and this is unbelievable; completely horrid (in my eyes), but boycotting the gas stations will make things worse.  Did you know that 72% of BP gas stations are individually owned and boycotting those only take dinner off some hard working woman or mans table!  Also if BP's profits plummet and they can not afford this clean us, guess who's tax dollars get to take care of it...................that is right yours.  So before placing blame on one company look in the mirror.  Now don't just blame yourself either. Look in the mirror and decide what you are going to do to better this situation, AND I do believe that if each and everyone of us does this, the clean up will be easier, the debt will be paid, the environment will recover, and maybe (just maybe) some people with realize there is more to life that just blaming the government or others for everything that happens in this world.  It all begins with one look in the mirror.
-B-

Goodbye Friend

take this for what its worth: People grow apart, it's a very natural thing. I suggest letting good friendships die peacefully at their own pace. Instead of getting mad and creating hostility, just let it fizzle out. If ...there are no shared hard feelings, try to mend the friendship several years down the road after everyone involved is a different person. In my limited experience, this really helps. Time heals all things.  So here is to you Jolene, I'm done and letting go of our old friendship.  Maybe, just maybe someday, when you are a different person........because I have already changed too much and got hurt too much and am still able to forgive.   The future brings bright and beautiful things, hope in your life you can find room for me in it!

How about

YOU FEED MY FISH ALREADY!

vanity scribblin's

What to scribble about today? 
Day one of not smoking!  Not fun at all, I mean not fun at all!  I'm sure after a while the fun will kick in.  Like; I will be able to breath easier and not get pnuemonia 3 times a year.  I haven't decided just what method to follow to acheive this goal.  So far I am going with cold turkey, and day one is not easy.  I swear I keep smelling the smoldering of ashes being flicked into an ash tray!  Wait a minute, yep I am crazy, why the hell would smoldering ashes smell tempting to me? :0)  Maybe I shall try the patch and take the appropiate steps to quitting.  HMMMMMMM maybe I just don't want to quit!  If I quit I don't get my 5 minutes of silence and freedom!  But if I quit I am able to breath easier, run longer.  Hopefully not live longer........life just isn't a wonderland to me.  Quitting smoking sucks! It is just that plain and simple.
      There is no competition and no comparison, for we are all different and meant to be that way.
I claim my own power, and lovingly create my own reality.........reality sucks!  When we create harmony in our minds and hearts we will find it in our lives.  The inner creates the outer, ALWAYS!  {It is only a thought, a thought can be changed right?}  This is a new day one that I have never lived before.  I stay in the now and enjoy each and every moment......SOMETIMES (like I said reality sucks!).  What if sometimes i see my parents as tiny children who need love.  I have compassion for my parents' childhoods.  I now know that I chose them because they were perfect for what I had to learn.  I forgive them and set them free.  One day I will forgive myself.  As I forgive myself I will begin to leave behind all feelings of not being good enough, then I will be free to love myself.......one day.  For now I'm just going to quit smoking!

nonsense

Until my next outburst..................happy reading!

Kissing

Dear Love,
I have never loved so deep, never loved so free, til i found you. You are my everything, and you make me so happy, and so complete. I'm so happy to spend the rest of my life with you.
Love,
Me

The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.
-Emily Ludwig

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned; The calmer, I, to see it true That ways of love are never new- The love that sets you daft and dazed Is every love that ever blazed; The happier, I, to fathom this: A kiss is every other kiss.
-Dorothy Parker

"A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know."
-Mistinguett

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." -Ingrid Bergam

Never will one look into me - only unto me, then they look away.

Trapt
It is the deathly freezing chill down the nape of her neck,
the pounding in her head slowly driving her insane,
knawing at her brain slowly killing her.
All alone in her dark room the walls are caving in.
The pain is getting to her
soaking in her skin....
She grabbed a knife, longest of the bunch.
Without any thought,
she slowly slit her throat.
She lay still in her crimson blood,
her soul not pure enough for heaven.
Yet,
not evil enough for hell.
She just couldn't free herself from the cruel and painful world.

-Brandy Armstrong

The Revolutionary Pleasure of Thinking For Yourself

HS Those who assume (often unconsciously) that it is impossible to achieve their life's desires—and, thus, that it is futile to fight for themselves—usually end up fighting for an ideal or cause instead. They may appear to engage in self-directed activity, but in reality they have accepted alienation from their desires as a way of life. All subjugations of personal desires to the dictates of a cause or ideology are reactionary no matter how "revolutionary" the actions arising from such subjugations may appear. Yet, one of the great secrets of our miserable, yet potentially marvelous time, is that thinking can be a pleasure. Despite the suffocating effect of the dominant religious and political ideologies, many individuals do learn to think for themselves; and by doing so—by actively, critically thinking for themselves, rather than by passively accepting pre-digested opinions—they reclaim their minds as their own. This is a manual for those who wish to think for themselves, a manual for creation of a personally (rather than ideologically) constructed body of critical thought for your own use, a body of thought which will help you to understand why your life is the way it is and why the world is the way it is. More importantly, as you construct your own theory, you will also develop a practice: a method to get what you want for your own life. Theory, then, must be either practical—a guide to action—or it will be nothing, nothing but an aquarium of ideas, a contemplative interpretation of the world. The realm of ideas divorced from actions is the eternal waiting room of unrealized desires. Forming your own practical theory, what could be called "self-theory," is intimately connected to achieving the realization of your desires. Therefore, constructing your self-theory is a revolutionary pleasure. It is both a destructive and constructive pleasure, because you are creating a practical theory—one tied to action—for the destruction and reconstruction of this society. It is a theory of adventure, because it is based on what you want from life and on devising the means necessary to achieve it. It is as erotic and humorous as an authentic revolution.